vendredi, septembre 10, 2004

I am going to make my blog private in the future

I am have to field an insane amount of e-mails that should have been funneled to my blog, many of the comments and questions could have been dealt with here. Also, sadly I have lost many of my clients here in LA., something that was not my intention. For the amount of positive feedback it has been rewarding, and I have been happy to share, but when my private musing hurt my business, I am not a happy camper. Thus, my blog shall be here for awhile and then hidden in my pay site since given the amount of advertising that I have invested in I do not want to make it so difficult to know...I need more coffee.

I hope to simplify my life within the year, snag some land, get an RV and actually bash out these novels in my head.


Zinaval said...

I regret to see that you have lost some clientele from your blog, a loss for both sides, but more for them. Unfortunately, I wasn't surprised. The truthfulness you showed stripped away a lot of illusions. Fantasies are erotic, but illusions are pathological. I too was feeding on several illusions about you, and I'm better off for you to be rid of them. But illusions are like scabs, they are painful to strip away.

Among the most painful lost for me was that your relation with your profession and your clients was unambiguously positive. But despite the enthusiasm and verve you've shown, I strongly suspected that couldn't be true. The blog itself had the tone that reminded me of the narration to "Fight Club."

I do have some words of wisdom for you: you have chosen what you are and what you are doing. You weren't destined to do this. You chose to be a whore because it was the best decision you could make. Period. The fact that you waited till you were in your 30s to make it says that you fought against it. You might have continued to do what you were doing before, but you would have had the same desires, drives, emotions and passions the same stresses, the same need for adventure, unfulfilled, and perhaps guilt for acts you never committed. Besides that, you would have been impoverished. Michelle, it was your own choice, and the best choice for you.

There is nothing shameful about being a whore. I will always argue that, in fact, fight for that point. The world people have created will always shame you. Don't internalize this. It is they who are insane. The psychological stresses of being a whore are great, but so are sexual stresses anyway. As a tryster, you take and absorb stress and desires, and from them you spin the silk of pleasure. Never internalize the shame people give you, because it is their shame for not understanding it. But, of course, never forget that the world sees you as shameful.

Exhaustion is what I'm dealing with, too. And I'm just a mundane working grunt, not a hooker. It's the one thing I never considered either. It's because the unfortunate truth is, I've never been this old. Perhaps living in this society is just exhausting. I'm not saying that your life-track isn't more so.

I hope you get to simplify and relax soon, and cast away your exhaustion and stress. I admire you more, Michelle. I, for one, will always respect your truthfulness more than the illusion.

Apologies for not putting this in the blog and adding to your already overloaded email.


5:52 AM  
WomanoftheWorld said...

I am sorry that you have decided to make your blog private but I'm not really surprised. I suspect that you would have been okay if you had published your blog anonymously, but then of course you wouldn't have had the amount of interest generated by it.

I'm not surprised if some of your clients are twitchy about the blog - part of their relationship with you must surely be one based on discretion and I imagine that they might see the blog as a breach of trust.

Publication is a funny thing. I write fiction, but when I was first published the people I knew almost always invariably reacted by giggling nervously and saying something like, "Hope I'm not in it!" ... "Hope it's not set in a university!" ... "Hope it's not about a lawyer!" and so on. The most remote acquaintances anticipated they were going to star in or recognise themselves in a walk-on part in one of my stories.

I could stake a bet that any number of your clients are imagining a similar thing. For that reason, I don't think that it'll ease their nerves for your blog to be shunted to your pay site. Truly, they don't want to know.

Just my opinion, of course, and given with a sympathetic smile.


6:59 PM  

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